Why Being A Mom Isn't A Job

A few weeks ago while I was playing at home with Gage, somebody made a comment that really got me thinking. They asked me if having a baby took away my freedom. I promptly responded, "No. I can still do whatever I want, but now I just have a little buddy to do things with." But the wheels in my head kept on spinning. You see, according to the world, having a baby DOES take away your freedom. You're no longer free to be selfish and just think about the things that you want. Now you have to put someone else's needs above your own. I think for some people that's a foreign concept, especially in this ME-centered society that we live in. People are always talking about ways to further their education and their careers. Which is why, as a young mom, I feel that people continue to question my decision to start a family at 21. I was pregnant when I graduated college with my Bachelor's Degree. Was it hard? Absolutely. But did it make it that much more worth it when I was able to walk across that stage and get my diploma with my little man in the audience? A thousand times yes. Just like I want to be with Gage through the milestones in his life, I feel so blessed that I'm also able to share my milestones with him.

 Having a baby has in no way, shape, or form hindered me from being able to do the things I want to do. It's quite the opposite, actually. Being a mom has opened the doors to so many new experiences already. It has taught me to be selfless and to cherish every single day because the days are long, but the years are short. (something that I'm already learning)  If I weren't a mom, I wouldn't be able to experience life through mom eyes, and that's a beautiful thing because it makes you feel all the feels.

When I was younger, one of my dreams was to travel the world. I longed to see the cities that I'd read about and seen in the movies. I wanted to see what all the hype was about. And in my mind, I would be young and traveling the world with my husband. I didn't see myself dragging kids along, because traveling with a spouse is romantic, but traveling with kids is a hassle. But my priorities have since changed. It's funny how something that you once thought was so important to you, doesn't seem so important anymore.Instead of longing to experience the world, I long to have just a few more minutes with Gage before I put him down for bed. I look forward to him waking up in the morning and babbling to himself until I come in and get him, and doing something silly to make him full on belly-laugh, and that when I tickle underneath his chin he has almost a ticklish twitch where he buries his chin into his chest. These are the moments that make me feel something....feelings that I don't want to ever forget. It's hard to even describe what I'm feeling in these moments because it will never do it justice. The feelings aren't black and white, there are so many shades of gray. I can't just use the word "joy" to describe them because I've used the word joy to describe such trivial things as how I felt when BYU won the football game last week or when I bought a new dress. Those things aren't even on the same playing field.  There are no words for the feelings I feel when I put Gage in his bed at night and he grabs onto my finger and then wraps his legs around my arms so that I'll stay in the room with him until he falls asleep. So no, having a family doesn't take away my freedom, it just gives me more opportunities to experience things on a deeper level.

Freedom is all about your mindset. If after you have kids you tell yourself that you've lost all your freedom, then that's what's going to happen. Just because you have kids doesn't mean your freedom automatically goes away. If you treat being a parent like it's your job, then in a way, I guess you do lose some of your freedom because it's a 24/7 job as opposed to a typical 9-5 job. The difference is that when you leave your day job on Friday, you get to leave your work at the office and do whatever you want for the rest of the weekend when you pull out of that parking lot. If I leave the house without Gage, that doesn't mean I can leave all my mom responsibilities behind and take a few days off. The way I see it is that being a mom is less of a job and more of a calling. One of my favorite quotes by Neil A. Anderson says, " Motherhood is not a hobby, it is a calling. It is not something to do if you can squeeze the time in, it is what God gave you time for." I get to be Gage's mom, it's a privilege and not a burden. I have been entrusted to take care of this sweet little soul and I want to do all that I can to ensure that he grows up knowing that being his mom was always what I wanted to be doing above all else.

I Think I'm FALLing For You

Dear Utah,

Did you not get the memo that it's fall?! October means sweater weather. And since summer, little by little, I've been building up my fall wardrobe. So, I kind of need it to be fall weather, ASAP. Please and thanks. But until then, you can catch the Williams clan still checking things off of their fall bucket list. First one up on the list: Go to a pumpkin patch. And I found the perfect one.

A few years ago we went to a pumpkin patch with Taylor's family and it was like $15 for admission. I remember thinking to myself that that was way overpriced. So, I went online searching for a reasonably priced pumpkin patch and I think I hit the nail on the head because I found one with free admission! AND.... free hayrides every Monday and Friday night. It was perfect for Gage's first pumpkin patch experience. His favorite part was playing with all the hay on the hayride. (and trying to put it in his mouth haha) They also had a mini maze and a tunnel made out of hay bales that will be super fun for Gage when he's a little bit older. We definitely plan on going back next year. And as far as their pumpkins go, we spent $10 total for a big pumpkin, a medium one, and a baby one for Gage. So very reasonably priced. You should go check this place out if you live in Utah! They don't have a website, but on Facebook just look up The Pumpkin Patch in Orem. You won't be disappointed, especially if you have little kids. And if the pumpkin patch family outing isn't enough, a fall tradition that I love is going to Krispy Kreme for some donuts and picking up some apple cider from a local orchard. Yum! Happy Fall Yall! & Have a peachy day!  xoxo, Jess

Take Me Out to the Ball Game

I can't think of a date night more suited for summer than going to a baseball game. Waaay back when I was in highschool (a whole 5 years ago) there was a minor league baseball team that played just a few minutes from my house. I remember going one time with a boy that I liked and some of my friends with boys that they liked. Every Friday in the summer was Firework Friday, so after the game we would wait and watch the fireworks... and if you were lucky, your crush would put his arm around you while you watched. ;) Let's be honest...baseball games are long, so that's all we really went to the games for. haha But even if we didn't actually go to the game, we would sometimes go up to the parking lot of the movie theater that looked over the baseball field and watch the fireworks from the mountain. So, on our to do list of fun things to do this summer, a baseball game was definitely on the list! With temperatures soaring in the triple digits for the last few weeks, we decided to wait it out until the weather got to be a little more bearable. Tonight was the perfect night to go. We got the general admission tickets, so we spread out our blankets and sat on the lawn. It was nice to sit on the grass and watch the game while talking to my in-laws. I heard quite a few stories about when Tay used to play baseball and football. I could listen to those stories all day long. And Gage had the BEST time laying on the blanket and grabbing handfuls of grass! haha It was nice for us to be able to get out of the house and go do something though. Gage and I were both getting a little bit stir crazy. The temperature has been so high lately that anytime I tried to leave the house to even go for a walk to the grocery store (a block away), by the time we got there, we had to walk around the air conditioned store for a few minutes before bearing the heat again. So it was a much needed night out for sure! Hopefully the weather will cooperate so that we can have a lot more of these fun little outings. Happy weekend!

Gage's Birth Story

This post has been a long time coming. I'm so happy that now that it's documented, I'll be able to look back on this day that changed my life forever. It's definitely a day that I'll never forget. Thanks for letting me be your mama, Gage. I love you so much, sweet boy!

There's nothing more frustrating than being a week overdue when you're pregnant. You're already pregnant and chances are your emotions are all out of whack, but now on top of that you're anxious. Anxious to meet your little bundle of joy. Anxious because your mom and brother flew in from Pennsylvania to be there for when their first grandson/ first nephew is born and you're afraid he won't come before they leave. Anxious because doing simple everyday things like putting on your shoes and walking for more than a few blocks becomes incredibly difficult. Anxious because everybody you know, even people that you haven't talked to in ages, keep texting you and asking you if baby has made his arrival yet. You get where I'm going with this...

So my doctor told me that a week after my due date is the earliest that they would induce me. My brother left to go back to Pennsylvania 6 days after my due date and that same day, my mom and I went to what I hoped was my last doctor's appointment before Gage was born. My mom was only in town for 6 more days and my dad was on a plane to Utah, so I was relying on me being able to be induced ASAP.

When the doctor walked in, she said "Jessica, you're still pregnant!" She had been making that joke for the past few visits. I tried to laugh, but all I could think about was when this baby was gonna get out of me! I just wanted to be done being pregnant and meet my little man. She checked to see how far I was dilated. About 2.5 cm, same as last time. I was hoping to have made a bit more progress. But then we got down to business- when I was going to be induced. She said that since that weekend was a holiday weekend (MLK day), she was going out of town to visit family and she wouldn't be back until Tuesday, so that's the earliest she would be able to do it. My heart sank. My parents would be leaving on Wednesday. My brother already flew out to Utah and had to leave before Gage made his appearance, I didn't want the same thing to happen with my parents. The doctor could tell that I was disappointed, so she said there might be another option. She said she could talk to the doctor who was on call that weekend and see if he would deliver the baby. I asked her if she would because I wanted my parents to be there for when he was born. She told me to get dressed and meet her outside of the room. My heart was pounding, When we got outside, she said that he would do it! Saying that I was relieved would be the understatement of the century. She was upset that she wouldn't be able to deliver my baby, but she said she told the doctor to be really nice to me because it was my first and she wouldn't be there.

When we left the office, we waited out in the lobby for my dad to pick us up and I totally cried some happy tears. I immediately called Taylor and told him and then texted all of my siblings and aunts and uncles. Then the hospital called me to confirm my induction for the next day. They told me to come in at 6:15, but before I left the house to call the nurse and make sure it was still okay to come at that time. As soon as I hung up with the hospital, my Aunt Karen called me. She said that when my mom was about ready to have her first child, she gave her some advice and she wanted to give me the same advice. She told me that tomorrow morning, while everybody was getting ready, I should go into the bathroom and lock the door and have a good cry. She said that from there on out, things wouldn't be the same and that I'd be feeling a lot of emotions, so to just let them all out. haha

We went to Sam's Club after that to stock up on some food. In the past week alone, I had probably walked more than I did in an entire semester at BYU. No joke. If it really was true that walking jump started labor, I'm pretty sure baby G would have been here by now!

When we got home, I pretty much counted down the minutes until we left for the hospital. I had my hospital bag packed and the car-seat installed and in the car for probably a week now. I was so ready to meet Gage and become a mom. That night, I was too excited to sleep. I barely got more than 2 or 3 hours. Yanno how sometimes when you have to be up in the morning by a certain time and throughout the night, you keep waking up to make sure you haven't missed your alarm and overslept? That was me all night long. And finally, I woke up before my alarm because I knew that I wasn't gonna get anymore sleep.

Within minutes, I was ready to go. When it came time, I called the charge nurse to see if it was still okay for me to come in at 6:15. She said yes to come as soon as I was ready. Within seconds, we were all in the car and driving to the hospital. As we drove along, I wasn't nervous. I knew that being a mom was the most important job I would ever do. I was just thinking about baby Gage. Who would he look like? Would he look like the little boy I saw in my dreams? What would it be like, seeing him for the first time and getting to finally hold him in my arms? When he got a little older, what would he like to do? My thoughts were interrupted when we arrived at the hospital.

Taylor dropped us off at the door and went to park the car. When we checked in, the nurse told us that they were running a little bit behind and that they'd call us up to start our paperwork soon. A few minutes later, they called me up and said that they didn't have my paperwork, but once it was delivered to them, we would get started. Finally, Taylor and I were up at the desk. The nurse was really nice. She gave us our Welcome Packet and told us the code that any visitors would need if they came to visit and explained hospital policies to us. Once we were done there, another nurse walked us back to the room I'd be delivering in. As we were walking back she asked if we were having a boy or a girl. We told her a boy and I'll never forget what she said. "A little boy, that's how kingdoms are made." I thought that was a pretty cool thing to say.

Once we were in the room, she told us that my nurse would be in shortly to start me on Pitocin and that I should get changed into the hospital gown. When she left, I had my mom help me get changed (the struggle is real guys, I couldn't wait until I no longer needed help to bend down haha). A few minutes later the nurse came in and said that she and a BYU intern would be taking care of me. She started me on Pitocin at 7:42 am. It was actually really nice that she had an intern with her because anytime she did anything, she would explain what she was doing and why she was doing it. It was nice for me to be able to hear what was going on. She asked me if I was going to want an epidural and I didn't hesitate to say yes. So she told me to just let her know when I wanted it. She also said that the doctor would be there around 9 or 9:30 to break my water....yeah that didn't happen. haha I ended up getting an epidural at about 9:35 am. The nurse had me sit at the very edge of the bed and lean forward and hold onto her shoulders. Man they weren't kidding, that needle was long! And I hope I don't sound incredibly stupid here, but I didn't realize that once I got the epidural my legs would go numb. I may have had a mini freak out because I thought something went wrong and I was gonna be paralyzed! Scary stuff. But at least now I'll be prepared for next time. ;) I've gotta say though that my worst fear about the epidural was that it would wear off right in the middle of me pushing....we'll get to that later.

So at about 11:30, I finally met the doctor that was going to be delivering Gage. He was really nice. And after we talked for a few minutes, he broke my water. He told me after my water was broken that Gage must have swallowed some meconium, which meant that when he was born, there would have to be a team in the room that would pump his stomach to try and get it out. That scared me a little bit, but he made it seem like it wouldn't be a big deal.

 In between the nurses coming in every hour to check on me and to check my dilation, I tried to get some sleep. I must have fallen asleep for at least a little bit because I remember waking up and watching some old cartoon with my dad. haha But other than that, sleep didn't really work out too well. So, Taylor brought up Friends on Netflix for me and my mom to watch. Up to that point my progress was pretty slow, but around 3 pm I was about 6 cm. The funny thing is that when the nurse checked me, she said that Gage had a little hand that was trying to get out and she had to kind of push it back up! How funny. At around that time, Taylor and my parents started making bets on when Gage would be born. My mom said 6:30, my dad said 8:00, and Taylor said 10:10. (I may have given him the stink eye after that but I'll never tell..;))

At 4:05 when the doctor came to check me I was about 9 cm! He told me that by the time I was 10 cm I would start to push. And at 5:05, I was 9+ cm, but I wasn't quite 10 cm. It was around this time that the nurse told us that Gage had hair. When somebody asked what color, she said that it was dark. That shocked me because I thought he would be blonde! By 7:30, I hadn't made any progress since 5:05, but the doctor thought we should try pushing anyway. At 6 pm, there was a shift change, so I had a different nurse now. She was super nice, but I kind of wished that the other nurse would be there since she was with me all day. The nurse told me that it typically takes about 2 or 3 hours of pushing, which took me by surprise. She then talked me through how the breathing would work and that at every contraction I would push.Before we started, I had Taylor go get me some ice chips because that was all I could have and I was thirsty. I put my legs up and Taylor was on one side and my mom was on the other holding my legs when I pushed. For the first little bit, the doctor was in the room, but then he left and said he would be back in a little bit. By the time he came back, I had made some good progress. It actually was really helpful to me when he was in the room because it made me want to buckle down and try harder. At one point he said to me, "Jessica your second and third pushes are always really good, and no matter what, you're going to meet your little boy. But if you want to meet him soon, we need your first push to be just as good as your last 2." That was the motivator that I needed. Even while I was pushing, just knowing that he was in the room made me want to try harder because he was the doctor and he would kind of coach me through it.

 By this point, Gage was crowning and the nurse kept saying that I was so close! But it seemed like she kept saying that and I wasn't really as close as she made it seem. I think she and the doctor could tell that I was getting a little bit tired because the contractions were coming so much closer together now, so they told me that I could take a break if I wanted. But I pretty much said, "Heck no! If I'm close then why would I stop? I just want him out already!" And then I started feeling a good amount of pain, so the nurse got the anesthesiologist to come in and bring a new bag for my epidural. She said that was probably a good thing because I was going to need an episiotomy and I would want to have the epidural kick in by then so I wouldn't feel it. With the contractions coming closer and closer together, I think Taylor and my mom were getting a little bit excited, so they were counting pretty loud. I had to tell them to calm it down a little bit haha. But I feel like overall, I wasn't a very grumpy pregnant lady while I was pushing.

I was getting really close, and all of a sudden a nurse came in to get the doctor. He said he would be back soon, but that if he wasn't back in time, the nurse would be able to deliver the baby. I had a mini freak out, and my dad told me later that he was about ready to leave the room and tell the doctor to get back in there! haha But luckily, he was back within a few minutes. When he came back and checked how I was doing, he told the nurse to go and get the cart with all the tools to deliver. I knew then that it would be only minutes until we went from a family of 2 to a family of 3. Finally, the nurse told me that if I did well on this next push, I would be holding my baby! The doctor told me that once they got the head out, he would tell me to stop pushing. And then he would tell me when to have the last push so that he could get the shoulders out. I pushed and nobody really said anything, so I wasn't sure if it was enough, but then the doctor told me to stop pushing and he lifted Gage up so that I could see his head. I started to cry. He was beautiful. The doctor told me to push again and I did and after that, everything happened so fast. Taylor cut the umbilical cord. They took Gage over to the team to get his stomach pumped and make sure he was alright because of the meconium he swallowed. He wasn't crying. Why wasn't he crying? Was something wrong? I was nervous. In the movies, the babies always cry as soon as they're out. But then he cried. I was getting stitched up and just staring at him the whole time, crying, and longing to hold him. My parents and Taylor were all over by Gage taking pictures and videos and I was jealous. I heard Taylor say, "He looks just like Jess." And then my mom came over to me and said that Gage had my nose. It seemed like it was taking forever for me to be able to see him. It took at least 10 minutes, but finally, the nurse brought him over and put him on my chest. I said hi to him and he looked up at me like he knew exactly who I was. I can't even put into words how I felt, but it was love at first sight.

Gage Taylor Williams. Born 1/16/2015 @ 9:50 pm. 7 lbs 14 oz. 19 1/2 inches. Completely perfect.

The first picture I took of Gage

Gage and his dad!

First time Grandma!

First time Grandpa!

Uncle Jared and Aunt Kelly

We are now Williams, Party of Three

He's perfect in every way.

So obsessed with this sweet boy

Going home! 

And here are some of Gage's newborn pictures! :)

 Yes, those are Gryffindor pants and yes, the name of the very first Harry Potter chapter is the boy who lived. :)

C'mon, did you really think I wouldn't get some Harry Potter newborn pics? ;)